Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
