I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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