we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
