There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize