I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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