I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm always down for nudity.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
