I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
