Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
