And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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