You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
