i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize