i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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