I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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