I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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