What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint