So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
