I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
