you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
