I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You smell like stripper and shame
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
