kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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