the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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