Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
