we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
