and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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