You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
