I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
