OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
