Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
