My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
