I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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