U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
