I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
