Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
