You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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