My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
