I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
