my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
