hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
