So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
