one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
