I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
