my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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