Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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