He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize