First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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