Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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