ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
