In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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