I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He? As in you personified your dick?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
