Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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