He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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