Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
