Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
