maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
