So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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