I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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