My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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