It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
