my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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