I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
