If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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