I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
