Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
